When you’re going through a divorce, it’s easy to confuse the different professionals involved. A mediator serves a specific function that’s fundamentally different from what your attorney does. Understanding this distinction can help you use mediation more effectively and set realistic expectations.
The Mediator’s Primary Function
A mediator is neutral. They don’t work for you, and they don’t work for your spouse. Their job is to facilitate communication and help both of you reach an agreement that works for your family. This neutrality is what defines mediation. While your attorney advocates for your interests and fights for what you need, a mediator won’t push for outcomes that favor either side. They’re there to keep the conversation productive, not to tell you what’s fair or what you should accept.
What Mediators Can And Cannot Do
Mediators have specific boundaries that protect the integrity of the process. Here’s what falls within their role:
- Explaining the mediation process and setting ground rules for discussions
- Helping you identify issues that need resolution
- Facilitating conversations about custody, property division, and support
- Offering options for compromise when you’re stuck
- Drafting a memorandum of understanding if you reach an agreement
What mediators can’t do is just as important. They can’t give you legal advice about what’s in your best interest. That’s not their job. They can’t force you to accept terms you don’t agree with, and they won’t make decisions for you if you can’t agree. If you’re working with Hurst, Robin, Kay & Allen, LLC, you’ll have someone advocating for your interests while the mediator maintains their neutral position. That combination often works best.
How Mediators Keep Discussions On Track
One of the mediator’s most valuable skills is managing conflict. Divorce conversations can get heated. You’re discussing sensitive topics like parenting time, finances, and who gets the house you built together. Mediators use specific techniques to prevent arguments from derailing progress. They might redirect the conversation when emotions run high. They’ll reframe statements to make them less confrontational or suggest taking breaks when tensions escalate. Sometimes a ten-minute pause makes all the difference. They also help you focus on interests rather than positions. Instead of arguing over who gets the house, a skilled mediator will help you explore why the house matters to each of you. What other solutions might address those underlying concerns? Often, there’s more flexibility than you initially think.
The Difference Between Mediator-Attorneys And Non-Attorney Mediators
In Illinois, mediators come from different professional backgrounds. Some are attorneys who’ve received mediation training. Others might be mental health professionals, financial planners, or trained mediators without a law license. Attorney-mediators understand the legal framework of divorce, which can help when discussing property division or support calculations. They know what Illinois courts typically do in similar situations. But remember, even if your mediator is an attorney, they’re not YOUR attorney during mediation sessions. That’s an important distinction. Non-attorney mediators often bring different strengths. They’re particularly good at managing emotional dynamics or addressing co-parenting issues.
When You Still Need Your Own Lawyer
Even with a skilled mediator, you need independent legal counsel. A Chicago mediation attorney reviews any agreement before you sign it and makes sure you understand the legal implications of what you’re agreeing to. You can’t skip this step. Many people consult with their attorneys between mediation sessions. Your lawyer can help you evaluate proposals, understand your rights, and prepare for upcoming discussions. This doesn’t undermine the mediation process. It actually makes mediation more effective because you’re negotiating from an informed position, not guessing about what’s reasonable.
Making The Most Of Your Mediator’s Role
Understanding what your mediator does helps you use their services more effectively. Come prepared. Bring financial documents and a clear sense of your priorities. Be honest about what matters most to you and where you have flexibility. If you’re considering mediation for your divorce, having a Chicago mediation attorney makes a significant difference in the outcome. Professional guidance protects your interests while you work toward a fair resolution that serves your family’s future.